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Ted Cruz’s Twitter Account Likes A Pornographic Video

What stupid thing is trending now? Well…

Haha, what did goofy ol’ Ted Cruz get up to this time-


Oh, my.

Well, honestly, at least it wasn’t the “Shapeless Meat Orb With Holes In It” porn we thought you watched, Ted. Honestly this is good for your image as a normal regular human person.

Jim Carrey, who got famous by being funny and making weird faces, has now settled into a career of shoving his head deep, deep into his own anus. He showed up to Fashion Week and gave an interview that sounded like it was cribbed from a disillusioned high schooler’s Moleskine journal. “There’s no meaning to any of this,” he said. “Celebrating icons? Oh boy, that is just the lowest aiming possibility that we could come up with. Icons. Do you believe in icons? I believe in personalities.” Then, perhaps fearing he wasn’t being quirky enough, he continued, “I don’t believe in icons. I don’t believe in personalities. I believe that peace lies beyond personality, beyond invention and disguise. I believe we’re a field of energy dancing for itself. And I don’t care.”

So first of all, do you believe in personalities or don’t you? Be clear in your thesis. Also, I get it. The commercialism of Fashion Week is annoying, icon worship is bad, and literally nobody but you, Mr. Carrey, has ever had these Intro to Philosophy 101 thoughts before. Congratulations on being an idea pioneer. Also, would you cool it with the “we’re dancing fields of energy” thing? We’re not. We’re dancing fields of meat. Meat that gets annoyed when out of touch aging comedians tries to blow our minds with pseudo-nihilism like, “Nothing matters,” “You don’t exist” or, “I don’t care, even though I clearly do care because I showed up and did an aggressively smug interview while wearing my most shiny, peacocky suit.”

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