Next on our list of
unsolicited very good wedding advice is the dcor, aka, “the reason Pinterest exists.” Heres a listnot comprehensive because we could be here for daysof wedding dcor I better never, ever see again. Some of it was cute and perfect five years ago, but its time has passed and we all need to move on for the good of the species.
Weve said it before, and well say it again. Burlap had its time in the wedding worldnamely, right around when Pinterest started distracting us. But that time has passed. Come on, anything that can double (and was intended) for legitimate farm usage doesnt belong at your wedding. Not on your tables, not as a runner, not as a bow, and for fucks sake, not on any person in the wedding party.
2. Mason Jars
Stop. Enough. Mason jars are used for canning and stacking cute desserts in, not to hold flowers/candles/sparklers/water lilies/pictures what the fuck ever. Again, these had their time thanks to Pinterest, but they need to go the way of burlap and other rustic wedding shit and die.
3. Disco Balls
Sorry I even needed to type this one. Unfortunately, some DJs and bands bring dcor, and if they bring a disco ball, hang on to your butts, cause this wedding is about to get real trashy real fast. Anything that came into existence in an era of ALL the cocaine, white tuxes, and enough hairspray to kill a puppy doesnt belong at your wedding.
4. Large Framed Portraits Of Yourself
Stop it. This isnt your version of ; this is your wedding day. Have a little class. I understand that you spent top dollar on your engagement photos and want to show everyone that you def have a future in modeling if you dont get fat in the next month, but, honestly, relax. This isnt an exhibition.
5. Camo Anything
Im upset that I even need to list this shit, but here we go. Once you go below the Mason-Dixon line or into the far realms of Pennsy-tucky, be prepared to see camo worked into weddings. Ive seen it (via Pinterest I wouldnt be caught dead at any wedding for human beings who believe integrating hunting attire into a celebration of love is okay) on cakes, on dresses, entwined on Mason jars, on hats resting upon groomsmenthe list goes on. Please, keep camo where it belongs: in the dark recesses of America where cable probs doesnt reach and on the backs of soldiers.
Yes. People use fish in fish bowls as fucking centerpieces. First of all, where did you get all the fish? Who set them up? And what happens when cousin Will gets drunk again and tries to get the fish drunk? Rude. Who takes the fish home? So, you see where Im going with this. Please dont integrate living creatures into a celebration where 99% of people will be too drunk to care for even themselves.
7. Fake Flowers
Yikes. I understand that the real thing can be expensive, but if you have any money for dcor, dont waste it on silk flowers. Its super rare that they can look realistic, let alone decent. Get creative with other shit like dried flowers, eucalyptus, etc. before you go trudging through Michaels aisles and aisles of silk nightmares.
Dont make these mistakes. Or do. I guess it’s your wedding. Just know I will subtweet the shit out of you if you do.
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